Ndidi Ngwuluka

Any Marriage can work



Posted: Thursday, December 25, 2008

by
http://ndidingwuluka.blogspot.com

I remember as a fresher in the university, my female classmates were getting married one after the other in an alarming rate that one of the boys exclaimed, "At this rate all the girls in our class will get married before we graduate". Well, about 80% got married before we graduated. Presently, some of them are not happy in their marriages. Also I have listened to my friends complain about their husbands and I could not help wondering why they are no longer seeing after wedding what they saw in their husbands during dating/courtship.

Unfortunately, some societies and cultures have used marriage to define a woman and so when a woman is not married after graduation, she is under pressure. Hence marriage is considered to be another major achievement after school.

I really wonder what a number of people consider marriage to be. They work hard to graduate, work so hard in their careers but most people do not work to make their marriages succeed. Marriage certainly is not an achievement but requires a couple to both make a conscious and deliberate effort to make it work.

Dating and courtship is all so fun, full of excitement and wonderful memories while marriage becomes a ring where blows and words are exchanged. Dating is the fantasy while marriage is the reality but it appears many are not prepared for the reality. A lady would want to continue fantasizing, expecting so much from her man. She would try to make him conform to the man in fantasyland by nagging and complaining not realizing such would only make her more miserable. A man keeps trying to see his dream girl in his wife but as the dream girl continues to elude him, the emotional abuses commence.

So much time and effort are employed; sacrifices are made during dating/courtship but when the knot is tied, why bother? It's too much hassle. Each one goes about day to day business while inconsideration and selfishness become the way of life thereby increasing friction. No one wants to address the discontentment maturely and so it gets from bad to worse. Yes it could work out but instead it is allowed to drift to a stage where one or both do not want to try and then separation is deliberated, accepted and perhaps divorce follows.

I once asked a guy why he wanted to get married. He simply told me he was of age. There is indeed more to marriage than just being old enough. One may be old enough but may not be emotionally ready or have the right mindset for marriage. Also his family background may not have equipped him to make a go at having a successful marriage. It takes determination and exposure to a better life for one to live beyond what the person's broken home has offered.

One of the challenges of marriage is that priorities are not set right. When one takes a decision to marry, it should be understood that everything else would be secondary. Marriage comes first while career and friends come after. A man understandably needs a job for self worth and income. He is able to faithfully go to work every day; work extra hours if he has to and put in so much effort and time to have a successful career but does not know how to do same for his marriage. Same goes with the career minded lady as well. A housewife perhaps may know how to keep the house sparkling clean; is a perfect organizer and excels in whatever she lays her hands on but can't do same for her marriage. Imagine if the same energy put into an activity/career for an hour is invested into marriage for the same amount of time daily. Imagine if a couple invests time and energy as well as make sacrifices as they did during dating/courtship.

It takes knowledge, wisdom and understanding to make a marriage work. Understanding is utilized to lay the foundation; wisdom is applied to continue building on the foundation while knowledge is used to fill the marriage with joy, love, peace, wealth and success.

Any marriage can work when the two truly unite and apply their heart' to it.

Ndidi Ngwuluka is a multifaceted human and indeed a typical example of the complexity of human. She is a firm advocate of "you can be who you want to be" and "If you can think of it, then you can make it happen." She believes we are created to do the impossible. And she is exploring the worlds of writing, traveling and networking to know all they have to offer. http://www.ndidingwuluka.com

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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)
» left by straight talk
 3 years 21 days ago.
111 fans. Follow straight talk on twitter!
The summation the key "Any marriage can work when the two truly unite and apply their heart' to it. "
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